A Fallacy

It’s not love if
you feel empty inside,
unworthy,
ugly,
undeserving,
ashamed,
a myriad of dark emotions
that causes depression.
a strain to your mental health,
anxiety,
fear,
self-hatred,
pain,
a dreaded, heavy darkness that
surpasses the loving, the kisses,
the hand holding, the cuddling,
the manipulated, rushed declarations of love,
the love letters, the cute text messages,
the couple pictures, and the false promises.
it is not worth it
if you can no longer recognize yourself
in the mirror, no longer a hopeful innocent,
you are damaged, a jagged, broken, puzzle piece
that no longer fits.
It is not you though, it is him
or her, or they– they are at fault
for the scars across your heart
and the ocean of tears that you have shed.
So stop the pain,
put down the knife,
the pills,
the phone,
the gun,
and remember you can change–
become stronger,
smarter,
and sexier.

But it will take ample
amount of time, love, sweat, more tears,
friends that you have abandoned
family that have become disconnected,
to build you up again.
The trials you will face
will change you, forge you in fire
before a grand kiln that
will shape you into a survivor,
a warrior against the battle
forgotten and disregarded;
swept under the rug because
it was not solely physical.
Therapy is not only for the “crazies”
it is the panacea for your
anxiety
fear
self-hatred
pain,
you will learn how to recognize signs
that were never explained to you as a young girl/boy
by the ones who told you to suck it up
and smile, because pretty girls
deserve what comes their way
and big boys don’t cry unless they are pussy.
Self-love is the hardest to learn,
the shame that overwhelmes your mistakes
clouds your ability to move on,
because he/she/they are still
in your system,
calling you a whore
bitch
worthless
liar
selfish.
Until you can flush the words,
quiet the voices that plague you
and truly disconnect from her/him/they–
no angry/crying/reunion fucks
beneath the covers as your
mind screams at you to stop–
when you are good and ready,
truly and utterly tired
of being treated like shit,
you cannot heal
but I promise you, it is possible.
Rejoin the glory of the world around you,
do not let them be a parasite,
sucking your happiness, your soul,
do not let them win in the end
because God gives his toughest battles
to his strongest soldiers.

Raise your head high, soldier
as you prove to you
and only you,
that you are worth it.

  1. Amen. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

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