Thoughtful

4:23 am

Hello.

I’ve been thinking of this
for awhile now.
The words seemed so easy
in my head
But as my tongue attempts
to form and twist
around the sheer honesty
of my emotions-
I find it a struggle even now
To scratch pen to my parchment.

I wish to say,
That I am disappointed with you-
I have struggled endlessly to find the perfect word-
Testing the word on my tongue
Even know-
I am proud to have fitted the verb Perfectly.
Before I get into the specifics
I will first tell you the history
Of my many disappointments-

The people in my life
Who I loved unconditionally-
With my whole heart, recklessly-
Were the ones who disappointed me
The most; they broke my heart;
Jagged pieces with sharp pointy parts.
My father was the first to disappoint me-
He was suppose to protect me, love me
Without any reservation;
Shoulder the pains and woes of this world
With his strong and steady shoulders-
But the lies are what got me-
A prick on the cursed spindle-

A boy with broken eyes
Gave me hope; and stole it
Within a breath, leaving me
Desolate and ruined-
It took me years to recover from that blow-
Every day was a struggle
As I doubted my looks, my self-worth-
My sanity.

But you are just like them-
Giving me hope for a better tomorrow
Then ripping the carpet from beneath me-
I wish to apologize to you
For I believed you deserved me-
Deserved my kindness
And ever-lasting selfless devotions.
You have lost a worthy person in your life
And the lord has taken you away from me
So I can excel and attain happiness
That has been constantly
So close yet so tragically far from my grasp.

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